Approaching marital issues with emotional intelligence

No marriage is perfect. Over 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. It is a matter of how you approach your marital issues that will make a difference in your marriage. If you want to save your marriage before marital issues force it to erupt, you need to approach the issues with some intelligence. Decide if you want to make an emotional investment and truly spend time on your marriage. Once you are ready to work on the marital issues, you need to approach your spouse with a humble attitude. You should not accuse them of anything, and do not approach them with the attitude that you did nothing wrong.

Strong communication is a key tool in fixing marital problems. You both need to have a helping attitude and help one another understand why you are having marital issues and how to fix them. Discuss ways to re-establish the trust you have built and find ways to help your partner have faith in you. Separate the facts from the fiction. If you are upset with your spouse, talk to them about why you are upset, but do not add in little things from past arguments. You need to be emotionally intelligent when you are working on your marital issues. Recognize what is happening and approach your spouse with a focused determination to fix the problems. Convey your emotions and feelings to your spouse and let them know you want to move forward.

People often question what they want out of a marriage. A good marriage will be filled with a variety of things: intimacy, communication, compromise, negotiation, relating, and understanding. It is important to avoid setting expectations in a marriage, as it will lead to conflict and cause marital problems. A marriage must be full of responsibility on the part of both the husband and the wife. Today's marriages have changed from the marriages in the past. Married couples are both responsible for different things. Both spouses often work and are responsible for taking care of the home. Both spouses need to fulfill their individual emotional and psychological needs and fulfill those same needs for their partner.

Here are some simple ways to approach your martial issues:

• Listen to each other. In marriages it is easy to talk over your spouse in an argument or in general. You need to stop talking and spend time truly listening to what your spouse has to say. After they are done talking, calmly repeat what you understand and find ways to build togetherness.
• Talk about your problems. Some people absolutely hate confrontation and they cannot approach their spouse with a problem. Your spouse is your best friend and they are there to listen to you and help you with your problems. If you feel that your partner does not emotionally and physically connect with you, tell them. After a couple settles into a routine, it can be easy for the physical and emotional contact in a marriage to fade. Establish a pleasurable relationship for one another and make sure you are both getting your needs met.
• Set goals for the marriage. These goals need to include financial goals, personal goals, work goals, and marital goals. You each need to talk about things you want to accomplish in life and how you plan to accomplish them. Set a budget that you both can live by and discuss your financial future. If you are in debt, make a plan to get out of debt. Having a large load of debt can cause several problems in a marriage and it is actually one of the top reasons why couples get divorced.
• Confront problems you may be having with your marital bond. Everything may look good on the surface but at home, your marriage could be in trouble. If you are struggling with your in-laws, remember that your spouse came from that family and no matter what they will have a place in your life. Talk to your spouse about different ways they can feel accepted into the family and how they can talk to your family members. Your spouse may be able to help you start up a meaningful conversation with his or her family members the next time you see them.
• Have the children talk early. What will you do if you are unable to have children of your own? Are you both comfortable with adopting children? Do you want to try alternative methods to conceive children? Embrace what your partner is feeling and the roles of parenthood. Raising children will place a lot of stress and pressure on a marriage. You must continue to work on your marriage and find time to spend with one another without the children. Intimate contact is essential when you have children because it can easily be neglected due to all the daily stress you may encounter with children.
• One of the best ways to lighten the stress on a marriage is to laugh. Laughter can help to break down the walls that you and your spouse may have. Laughter helps to keep things in perspective and can help to avoid boredom in the marriage. You married your spouse because they made you happy, and they are one of the only people that truly knows what makes you laugh. Think back on fond memories and reminisce with your spouse.
• Do everything possible to avoid anger. Anger only causes more marital issues. It feeds on frustration, guilt, pain, sorrow, depression, and conflict. If you feel yourself becoming angry, take some time to calm down before talking to your spouse. You need to provide comfort and love to one another, not pain and suffering. Encourage your spouse, do not knock them down. When anger begins to overtake you, think back to when you fell in love with your spouse. Remember the feelings you had and the love you felt. Bring this feeling back into your heart before you approach your spouse.
• Make time to be romantic. After a couple has been together, they get comfortable around one another and stop making efforts to impress each other. A happy couple will take time to plan romantic dates. They will do something that impresses their spouse and reminds them how much they love them. While it is important to face the realties of life on a daily basis, it is ok to take your spouse with you into a fairytale once and awhile.
• Be creative. Several marriages end because the couple became bored with one another. Find fun activities to do together to help you work through your marital issues. Try new things together. Share in your spouse's hobbies and talents. Let your spouse know you care about them by being their support. Provide nurturance and comfort to your spouse when they need it. Satisfy their need for dependency and be the rock that they need in their life. Do not give them reason to lose their trust and respect for you.

Accomplishing the above tasks will not come without sacrifice and hard work. Each spouse needs to be committed to the marriage. They both need to have a desire to make the marriage work. Each spouse must be committed to making the marriage grow and making themselves grow as well. Enhancing your marriage must be one of your top priorities.

Never take your spouse for granted. No one should feel like they are being taken advantage of. A marriage is a friendship that is built upon respect, love, and admiration. When someone feels like they are not respected or acknowledged, they stop trying to please their spouse. Their desire to make the marriage work no longer exists and anger, fear, and depression works their way into the relationship. Regular communication with your spouse can help you understand how your spouse is feeling about the relationship and can make sure you are both on the same page.

Give your spouse some room to breath. Men need time to think and calm down. Women need time to talk and socialize. Each partner needs to communicate their needs and both partners need to respect those needs. Allow your husband some time to sit in front of the television and relax. Give your wife some time to go over her daily activities. By recognizing your different needs, you will build a stronger marriage. If you feel like your marriage is on its last string, ask your spouse to attend marriage counseling with you. Trained marriage counselors can teach a couple how to communicate with one another again. They can help the couple break down barriers in the marriage and help them find common ground. They also help couples learn how to laugh again and find ways to enjoy spending time together.

A marriage needs to be satisfying for both spouses. By following the above tips, you can find ways to strengthen your marriage and make it into a life-long adventure. Just remember that you married your best friend and they will be there with you through the good times and the bad times.